Fighting the little black cloud
I’ve been in a funk this week. I don’t know why! I’ve joined new classes, been riding, been meditating and had good news about returning to university but couldn’t shake this black cloud which had firmly attached itself over my head. I though it may be pms, but its too early. My flat didn’t help this week - for me home is always a sanctuary, somewhere I can do whatever I need to relax and get back on top of things - blast my music, sing, dance, cry, scream, whatever I need at that time. This week the builders have been in ripping ceilings down and my landlady (and flatmate) has been in an awful mood cos of the mess, so ive taken to living in my room to avoid adding even more black clouds to my own. Needless to say the old emotional trigger kicked right back in and I was snacking everyday. All week its not been too bad and although ive had chocolate i’ve stayed within my calories. Then last night that good old last straw hit, and as I stormed out to the supermarket I knew I was going to regret it. I came back with one lot of fruit and ice cream, crisps (chips) and chocolate pancakes. Now the old me would have consumed all of that in one sitting. Now don’t get me wrong what I did eat wasn’t good (one helping of crisps and the whole packet of pancakes). But the extra 1200 calories of ice cream is still in the freezer, and I still have crisps left. The meal I bought was also a kids size meal - so I had the comfort food I wanted in a smaller portion.
Now the builders are gone I can get back into my daily routine - eating, exercising and having my own space to manage my moods. Kicking that little black cloud into touch is number one!! I also learnt that I need to find somewhere else to live, cause I won’t be able to deal with my landlady’s moods once i’m back at uni full time and I have to study at weekends. So i’m looking at new rooms and praying that my money for the summer will eventually come through from the benefits agency. I have always earned my own money, often working two jobs and only claiming benefits when I have really needed to - I hate being dependent on other people for anything!
I also know that while all of this is going on my old, learned habits of snacking on junk are going to be ready to trip me up at any point, so I need to learn new habits to make sure putting back on the weight doesn’t get added to the list of things I can get low over. It will be day by day but the next few weeks are going to see ones of change.
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Nice steady weight loss. I hope you don’t have to pay for the food choices. Hope back on the weight loss wagon and continue down hill. A new apartment sounds like a very pro-active plan.
Good luck
yarrow
Ive let emotions rule me. Im trying very hard to choose happiness and make changes. It sounds like even tho you caved in you made a good choice to get a smaller meal and didnt eat all that you may have intended to. You’ve made great progress and Im sure you will continue on strong
Now that the black cloud is lifting, you will be able to see more clearly. It’s a good time to make up a plan for the next time you are faced with the challenges of the black cloud. Maybe you could make up a “survival kit” that does not include food for the next appearance of the black cloud…candles, bubble bath, magazines, music, some mad money for a little shopping trip…
Is the glass half full or half empty? I read your story and didn’t see that you had failed because you bought some junk and ate it… I think you’ve shown amazing restraint by NOT eating like you would have in the past… you stopped before it was a full-on binge. Good for you, JC! It’s progress. You won’t achieve perfection in a single stride… but you’re closer now than you were.
Also, I think a disruption to routine is a common reason why we dieters have blips in our progress. Eating right, exercising, etc. are not second nature to us, so we establish routines to get us through each day… to get healthier. If that routine gets tweaked a bit, it can throw everything off.
Hang in there. You’re doing incredibly well!
I think you have alot on your plate. Please recognize the changes in your eating habits at least you did not do as bad as would have. So I say good job, and hang in there, you will get thru it. Hugs, Kama
We all have our moments and you recognized yours. You can do it! You did good, you may have made a few not so good choices, but you didn’t fall in to the trap of staying off track!
Big HUGS!
Jordan, this may sound crazy, but when I started to feel better from my back pain, I went through a kind of depression that I could only understand as grief for the time I had lost and fear of being struck down again. I hesitated to ensue my life with my dreams because I just couldn’t bare to have them snatched away again. I only mention it because you are at that same point in taking your life back. I was surprised by this. This may not be what is going on with you, but I wanted to point out that it can happen. And is probably normal.
Hugss to you and points going to you for processing it on your blog!
Hang in there!
Girl just take it one step at a time
I ahve been funky as well, lets kick these black clouds to the ground.