Fatgirl slim

So I finally graduated.  After a very stessful few months and regaining all my lost weight its all over.  I’m not as slim as I wanted to be for the graduation, but I’m just pleased I finished and passed.  Mind you the embarrassing thing was my brother had lost 25 pounds and had had to buy himself a new suit.  I think its given me the boot up the backside I need as he’s always looked bigger than me up til now.

 So the Paul McKenna and Marissa Peer books and CDs been dusted off.  I found that completely readjusting my mind along with my food and exercised helped last time, so I’m back to a proven formula.  I start work in two weeks, so i’ll be back in a routine aswell.  Because of my studying and then relaxing afterwards I stopped going to all my dance classes and my healthy eating went out the window.  So its back to basics.

That said this week is ‘vacation week’.  Im not going away but im determined not to get too caught up in day to day chores and treat myself to time reading, having coffee on the beach (which involves walking to get there) and generally chilling out.  That said I plan to start everyday with some yoga (failed this morning as I was so tired) and get back to dancing in the evenings.

 I can’t remember now how many times i’ve said that i’m restarting this journey.  Well this time I refuse to say that i’m just starting down the hill ive just climbed up.  This while process has been a journey and every now and then I hit a huge bump in the road.  But seeing all you buddies that are working so hard, and those that are inspiring me by making your goals makes it easier to know it can be acheived.

Thought we could all do with a laugh alongside the serious weightloss!

Butt dust 

What, you ask, is ‘Butt dust’?  Read on and you’ll discover the joy in
it!  These have to be original and genuine.

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister.
After a while he asked: ‘Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and
one for cold milk?’

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she
was so old she didn’t remember any more. Melanie said, ‘If you don’t
remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to
six.’

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. ‘I love you so
much that when you die I’m going to bury you outside my bedroom
window.’

BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried
in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her
Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she’d have to open it for
her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: ‘How does it know
it’s me?’

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. ‘Please
don’t give me this juice again,’ she said, ‘It makes my teeth cough.’

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: ‘How much do I cost?’

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried When his Mom asked
what was troubling him, he replied, ‘I don’t know what’ll happen with
this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?’

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and
kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked
his dad: ‘Why is he whispering in her mouth?’

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather
wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then
asked, ‘Why doesn’t your skin fit your face?’

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story.  His dad read: ‘The man
named   Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but
his wife looked back and was turned to salt.’ Concerned, James asked:
‘What happened to the flea?’

   The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget .

   This particular Sunday sermon…’Dear Lord,’ the minister began,
with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned
face. ‘Without you, we are but dust…’ He would have continued but at
that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to
me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl
voice, ‘Mom, what is butt dust?’

So I’m hiding on here again when I should be into assignment writing!  I’ve been out salsa dancing for the last two nights and ache all over.  Even though I didn’t dance loads last night I made sure I stood for the whole night to try and make the most of losing those extra calories.  Its a fantastic stress relief and I come home feeling good about myself not wanting to put junk into my body.  The city I currently live in isn’t too multicultural, so it was also good to be able to freestyle dance with some of the cuban guys.  It was the end of the night and was feeling self-conscious as there was hardly anyone else on the dancefloor and lots of people watching but just tried to let myself go a bit and have fun which I kinda managed, not as much as I used to but more than I have in a long time.  So today and tomorrow have to dedicated to my dissertation.  Fortunately I have samba again on sunday, so more stress relief and exercise.   I can’t wait until the 5th June for this all to be over!

I weighed in today - I haven’t lost but I haven’t gained either.  I tried to sort my eating out this week and on day 2 my manager bought in chocolate cakes for us all as placement is so stressful.   Im sat here trying to write my dissertation (which as ive said before I associate assignment writing with junk food).  So while i’ve eaten crisps and chocolate ive stuck to salad, cereal and fruit for my main meals.  Its the best compromise I can come up with for today.  Im feeling stressed, ive just got to get this written, but still manage to find every distraction possible - including buddyslim!

Well tomorrow evening im going samba dancing - its the most tiring exercise ive done in a long time - the class is 90 mins and fast.  Im usually ready to leave by the end of the warm up.  Its all in preparation for carnival in July - which will be 2 hours dancing through the streets and no stopping to take it easy as its meant to look co-ordinated, so got 2 months to get my fitness and stamina up. 

Right back to work!! Or maybe just another few minutes blog reading.

Today started well - cereal for breakfast, ham salad for lunch and fruit salad on my return home.  But after being shouted at for 30 mins by one of my clients, I cam back and also broke into some chocolate.  I know balancing healthy eating, exercise and study stress was always going to be tough.  I rely on junk food when im stressed and studying.  But I don’t want to get any bigger than ive gone back to - I refuse to buy any bigger clothes.  I was starting to like my new body that had started to appear when id lost the 14lbs.

I keep trying visualising myself how im going to be, I find it relatively easy to visualise, but not enough to stop me putting that next chunk of chocolate in my mouth.  I try standing in front the mirror telling myself I like myself - and the thing is without clothes I actually do.  I never realise how big I am until I sit in a chair, or in the bath or in photos.

I’d also like the confidence to start dating again.  I haven’t gone out with anyone since ive put my weight on.  Although I always thought I was larger than everyone else, I used to have the confidence to be a little crazy when I went out and ive made the first move on most of my exes.  But the confidence got consumed along with the chocolate, ice cream and cake.  There’s a guy at dance who’s really cute (still trying o find out if he’s single).  The old me would have made an approach.  The new me is a lot more cautious - I don’t want to be laughed at by him or the others.

Anyway now ive chilled out on here id better go and finish my work (without anymore shouting).

Okay so my clothes have started to feel tight and ive been trying to tell myself its TOM or something.  But no lets have a reality check.  So I got back on the scales and yes im back to the beginning.  Okay so its round two - JC vs the weight.  I know my diet has become junk again, I don’t need to sit and think about that.  So its got to go - the strict meals have got to come back as thats what works for me.  I do want to lose this weight, but something keeps blocking my way and thats the bit I need to work out - what this “mysterious” block is?  What are my triggers? What else can I do when I get cravings?   I guess ive got more than just healthy eating and exercise to do.  I need to be on here to get through this - it definately worked last time.  But I don’t have the time to spare that I had last time - im struggling to get my studying done - so I apologise now if I can’t give to you all as much as id like, cos I know we’re all in this together and supporting each other is the best weight loss ive found.

A recent message from a buddy (thanks Theresa) reminded me how much not only did I benefit from writing my blogs, but that other people gained from me writing them, just as I do when I read other peoples.

I haven’t really been on here for a while, other things in my life have taken over eg getting my degree finished, but a few of my buddies have continued to send me messages and remind me that although ive been gone i’m not forgotten.  Thank you for reminding me why being here is so important, and making me feel wanted.

So im in the last 8 weeks of my course and its all getting a bit manic.  Ive been exercising about 3-4 times a week (mainly dancing - salsa, samba and tango).  Although the scales aren’t shifting that much as ive been making up for my exercise with chocolate which is helping maintain my weight, not reach my goals.  Another buddy reminded me how much benefit I used to get in listening to my cd’s about emotional eating, something I haven’t done in a long time.  and something im going to try and bring back into my daily routine.

And reading Nancy’s blog this morning reminded me how much our bodies send us messages loud and clear about what they need, and how the old me would completely ignore these messages, and recently ive been doing the same.  Thanks for the butt kick Nancy!

So my plan for the next few weeks is to continue my dancing (its a great stress relief as well as for getting fit, healthy and slimmer), to work on listening to my body and giving it what it needs, as well as ensuring I am eating healthily.  Ive always associated assignment writing with junk food and during my 4 yrs at uni this is something I haven’t managed to break.  Being realistic i’m not going to stop this association overnight, so I need to find a way of balancing this to ensure I don’t feed my body junk for the next 6 weeks, while finding a way of sitting down to get my assignments finished (easier said than done!).  My overall goal for this time is to be at least one dress size slimmer by my graduation is July - to look and feel gorgeous in those pics!

Thanks for the reminders everyone of why being part of this community is so important!!

I keep denying to myself how much of my weight has atually crept back on - by not weighing in I don’t have to see it.  So I eventually gave in and decided if i’m going to do this I have to do it honestly.  So I weighed in.  Im back to 240.  Looking at the positives, im 12 lbs down from when I started on buddyslim and 28lbs down from my higest known weight (im sure I weighed heavier at some point but my scales wouldn’t go past that point). 

And the negative - all the junk food crap crept back into my eating.  Im not talking 100-200 extra a day im talkin 500-1000: whole packets of biscuits or cakes.  I’d done so well to get it down to individual biscuits, cake slices etc and not daily and it allreverted back to my old habits.  So my goal this time is not just to lose the weight, but to understand what makes me turn to the junk food and what I can substitute for it during those times (its usually emotional or I feel I deserve a reward for having a stressful or particulrly healthy day).  Its crazy how I can sabotage all my hard work.  I know this will be hard as I have a couple of major essays due and I always associate studying with junk food.  Munching carrots with a cup of coffee in the early hours of the morning just isn’t the same.  I just have to calculate this into my weekly calories - I think trying to brak every cycle/habit in one go may set me up to fail.

On the flip side I have planned exercise in three times a week (mainly dancing).  We have a few weeks off one of my dnce classes, so ive booked a beginners argentine tango course to fill up the space.  Im going with exercise that I love, and can easily fit into my schedule as a basis and then anything extra is a bonus.  Also as long as the weathers good I can walk back from placement most days (takes the same time to walk as it does on the bus in rush hour traffic).

So now ive written this out and shared it with you all I can’t run away from it, hide from it or generally deny it.  Here’s to a healthier, happier and slimmer 2009.  My first small goal is to be a uk size 16 or less for my graduation in july.

Yet again its been ages - Happy New Year to you all.  I’m trying to catch up with my buddies and their blogs.

 Since falling off the wagon I haven’t managed to completely get back on in relation to my food, so xmas was full of ’small treats’ otherwise known as excuses.  That said I have been exercising more than previously, so while I may not be losing I haven’t gained anything for all my unhealthy food choices.

 Ages ago I blogged about losing confidence with my weight gain - and just before xmas I started to make small steps.  My skinny jeans and heels made an appearance (with long boots and a long jumper of course), but thats the first time in I don’t know how long.  Also ive been taking dance classes and we performed as part of a solstice parade we have here in my town (I wanted to do this as my first performance as it was in the dark the next ones are in daylight).

 I feel so inspired coming back on here and reading your blogs, ive missed regularly sharing this journey with you all!!!

Here’s to 2009 - being healthy & happy, becoming our slim selves, eating the right food choices for ourselves and moving our butts!!!!  Have a great year all!!

Hi everyone

 Its been ages since ive blogged or really made an effort on here.  Thank you to all my buddies who thought of me while ive not been around.  My life got busy once uni started again, my exercise increased, my stress levels increased and the junk food crept back in to compensate.  So I made like an ostrich and stuck my head in the sand, believing that by not coming on here I could fool myself into thinking it wasn’t really happening. 

Then I emptied my rubbish and realised the cookies were creeping in daily - im not talking one or two, im talking a whole pack!!  So now I know ive got to get a grip on this again.

Its weird, my placement is in a rehab for this year, and everytime I look at the tools we use with the clients I can apply much of it to me and my junk food addiction.  And just like any other addiction the ‘just one won’t hurt’ approach doesn’t work.  It really is abstinence until I can get so much control over it that just one really won’t be an issue.

Ive got on top of the exercise and now dance 2-3 times a week and ride once a fortnight.  I also walk home from placement a few times a week too, so in theory the weight should be falling off.  But no, ive managed to sabotage all my good work by eating easily an extra 500-1000 calories a day in absolute crap!  The rest of my meals are planned and healthy, then for some reason in the evening my brain thinks it deserves a reward, or I need comforting - basically any excuse to stuff those unnecessary, unhealthy, fattening calories into my mouth in the belief its helping me.  Well it is - its helping me maintain my current weight and size!!

 So here I am again, kicking those sugar filled, fat filled, calorie laden foods to the kerb in the aim to gain my (uk) size 12 healthy, fit body.  Once again I look forward to sharing this journey with you all!!!!